My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
