The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
