Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
