You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
