Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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