I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
