you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
