brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
