Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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