why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
