I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
