if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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