she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
