Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
