i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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