you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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