Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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