My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
