you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after