Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
