All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
