nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
