i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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