Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
