You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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