I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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