The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
