it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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