What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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