hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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