This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
