Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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