I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
