Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
