And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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