she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
