The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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