Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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