My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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