On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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