Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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