I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
