I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
