Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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