i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
