i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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