The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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