We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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