She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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