I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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