We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
