So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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