I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
