its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
