Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
