I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
