Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
