Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
