We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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