I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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