today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
