Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drake has all the answers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
