haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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