i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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