Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
