You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
