Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
