So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
