Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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