This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
