i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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