Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
