i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize