Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
