If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
