I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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