dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
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I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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