no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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