I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
