You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
