Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

Fav 4 1569 837
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(802): View more from Vermont

I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

Fav 60 5502 1291
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(913): View more from Kansas

sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

Fav 24 12046 1680
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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?

Fav 2 2344 1900
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

Fav 3 1531 1616
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(254): View more from Texas

Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.

Fav 20 1745 773
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(602): View more from Arizona

Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.

Fav 3 206 138
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(817): View more from Texas

Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments

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