i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
