Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
