guys are not supposed to queef...right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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