It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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