i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
