i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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