forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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