I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
