first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
